Navigating the Holiday Blues

Many envision the holiday season like the image above, as a time to retreat into the warmth of family and comfort. Set against winter’s harsh cold and silent, snow-frozen isolation, these gatherings become sanctuaries where love, laughter, and shared activities bridge the generational gap. The glow of festive decor, the experience with an inviting blend of color, scent, and sounds, stirs rich memories and heartfelt emotions. It is no wonder that we tend to associate hope with these traditions, striving each year to recreate that same holiday magic and reweave the fond tapestry of family festivities. 

This image is often represented through social media posts and commercials, which play a significant part in painting our dreamy holiday scenario with families.  

But is that the reality of our holiday experiences? 

If we feel down during the holidays, it does not mean we lack the holiday spirit. In fact, it is not uncommon to experience the holiday blues during this time. Many people feel burdened and alone in this particular season. Let’s consider some reasons we may have the holiday blues and steps we can take to help navigate this emotional challenge. 

The Five Most Common Causes of Holiday Blues

1.The Trap of Expectation

Expectation vs. Reality

We all have our own conception of what the holiday season should look like. If we were to compare our ideal holiday season to our own experience, they often have little in common with what we imagine.  It is not our imagination, but our expectations that contribute to our family holiday impression.  If we expect to have perfection during family events, we will likely be left with frustration or strife. Our expectations are often hidden in the messages we tell ourselves. When our self-talk is judgmental or condemning, it distorts our reality and leaves us feeling powerless. During the holidays, this often sounds like: “Everyone else is happy,” or “No one else feels this despair.” These are not facts; they are lies that isolate us.

What Others Feel about the  Holidays 

How do others feel about their Family Holiday experiences? Does everyone else have great times with their family during the holidays? The reality is that many people wrestle with heartfelt burdens during this time of year. Consider the following survey studies:

The Stress Spike: Recent 2025 polls show that 41% of adults anticipate more stress during the holidays than in previous years.¹

The Mental Health Impact: Roughly 1 in 5 people (21%) explicitly report that the holidays have a negative impact on their mental health.²

The Struggle is Real: For those already living with mental health conditions, a staggering 64% say the holidays make their condition worse.²

Based on these surveys, it is clear that feeling the blues during the holidays is far more common than one may believe. In a way, this helps us not to feel alone if we experience the blues during this season. If we can acknowledge how much our expectations influence our experience, we will be more equipped to approach the season with a different mindset. 

2. Loneliness

Feeling lonely during the holidays often occurs when it seems like the rest of the world is gathered together. Beyond this false belief, it is helpful to consider how we interpret the context of being alone. Loneliness is a feeling, and it isn't about the number of people in the room; it is not about proximity to others, but rather about the connection we make with others.

Many people are unable to be with their family members during the holidays. While our family of origin is our first community, it isn't our only community. Afterall, we are more than where we come from. Spending time with friends from church, work, or other social communities can help us navigate through the holidays.

3. Grief and Loss

Families often live by a 'holiday script’, a meaningfully rehearsed cycle of stories and roles that grant us a sense of belonging. When a loved one is absent, this holiday script is disrupted, leaving other family members feeling a profound sense of betrayal in their routine. Loss leaves a void in the family script, which threatens the normal balance of the family. This commonly creates an instinctive urge for the surviving members to remedy the loss by contributing shared memories of the loved one, patching the missing parts in the family story. Personal reflections and treasured memories are often shared between members to retain much of the valued family script. It is a natural response by the surviving members in the bereavement process to retain the heart of the original family story.

There is no "correct" way to deal with losses in the family, and some members may seem to detach from the family as a way to cope. Loss can be through many forms, from chronic disease, divorce, physical impairment, or mental health decline.  Dementia is a different form of loss, and it has been described as experiencing two deaths:⁵  First, there is the fading away of the loved one’s identity, personality, and their specific role within the family "script."; followed by the eventual terminal passing through advanced disease.

4. Financial Strain

The 2025 economy is the #1 source of holiday anxiety, with nearly 46% of people worried about the cost of gifts and travel. Establishing and holding to a reasonable budget helps minimize the additional strain of holiday spending. When gifting can not be afforded, it is important to focus on the quality of time with family, and not yield to the pressure to purchase gifts beyond your means.

5. Seasonal Influence on Wellbeing

The shortened days with less sunlight can affect our mood by triggering Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Studies support that limiting the amount of sunlight exposure affects the serotonin and melatonin levels in our brains. It is estimated that 10-20%⁴ of people experience the blues and suffer SAD during the winter season. Replacing lamp bulbs with broader light spectrum bulbs or establishing an outdoor activity routine can often help elevate the mood.

Enjoy your Holidays!   

Greg E. Williams, MD

https://braindoc.wixsite.com/onemind 

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References

1. American Psychological Association. (2023). Holiday stress by the numbers. https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2023/11/holiday-stress-numbers

2. National Alliance on Mental Illness. (2014). Mental health and the holiday blues. https://www.nami.org/press-releases/nami-report-survey-shows-holiday-blues-common/

3. American Psychiatric Association. (2025). Americans are More Anxious than Last Year About the Upcoming Holidays; Health Care and the Economy Also Major Concerns for Many.

4. American Psychiatric Association. (2023/updated 2025). Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).

5. "Two deaths" is a core concept in the work of Dr. Pauline Boss, who coined the term "Ambiguous Loss." It is widely used in 2025 caregiver resources to describe the unique grief of dementia, where a loved one is physically present but psychologically absent.

6. Primary Source: Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1999). "The dual process model of coping with bereavement: Rationale and description." Death Studies, 23(3), 197–224.